Monetizing Failure: July Report

Well, it’s time to check in on my exercise and diet goals. I’ve never had New Year’s resolutions that lasted more than a week, and I didn’t particularly expect these to, either. So I didn’t really have any long term goals beyond “lose weight” or “get back into shape”. Well, it’s taken seven months, but I’ve lost about 8 pounds, improved my muscle tone a little, and torn my rotator cuff. This isn’t exactly how I was envisioning “success.” Every month, with each new dietary restriction and increase in the exercise regime, I thought, “This is it! This is going to be the thing that makes me look like Chris Hemsworth in Thor!”

Or not.

Sure, the lack of weight loss is partially explained by the addition of muscle tone, but I feel like I’ve clearly plateaued. Sure, I can have a good couple days, throw in an extra workout, run an extra mile on the treadmill, and the numbers go down – then pop right back up after a day off. It’s frustrating. And I’ve been doing well this month – usually I’m on the edge, exercising on the due date – but this month I’ve been up to four days ahead of schedule, even with the extra workout.

So, I think it’s time for a new goal – a real goal. It’s time to focus on what this is really about. It’s time to bring out the shorts.


Yes, those shorts. You know the ones – you have shorts (or pants, or a dress, or a bathing suit) just like them. The ones at the bottom of the drawer. The ones that are a size too small. The ones you haven’t worn in years. The ones you’ve kept all this time, because you knew the day would come.

This is my new goal.

Even if my abs will never look like Chris Hemsworth’s, I will totally rock those shorts.

And so, it’s time to close some more loopholes. No nuts at work. No ice cream at home. No muffins, anywhere (sorry, Depot Coffee). I’m going to stick with the extra workouts on the 15th and 31st. August is going to be a challenging month, but this is it. It’s time to bring out the big guns.

2 thoughts on “Monetizing Failure: July Report

  1. Over the years, I’ve come up with the following weight loss tips, some of which may or may not be useful:

    1. Live somewhere tropical. The extra heat means you’re not hungry half the time, and when you are, you want something light. (There’s a reason Honolulu’s one of the US’s healthiest cities in spite of all the malasadas and spam)

    2. Don’t be employed. An extra 8 hours in a day really gives you the extra free time you need for that long walk.

    3. Be 21 again. You cannot beat a lack of money and a good metabolism.

    Hope that helps!

    • Numbers 2 and 3 hit the nail on the head. In the summer before grad school, when I was 23 and at loose ends, I got into the best shape of my life. I remember thinking to myself, “Oh my god, this feels great! I’m never going to let myself get out of shape ever again!” Bwahahahahah sniffle sniffle <cry>

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